Professor, what's a jutsu?
by wolfrun1
Summary: During the chuunin exams, men and women came from all over the world to watch the finals. One of these men was a certain Hogwarts headmaster. Now team 7 and the Sand Siblings are on their way to London to protect Harry Potter. HP SasuNaru DMHP GaaraOC.
1. Chapter 1

"Speaking Japanese"

"_Speaking English"_

'_Reading a note'_

'Thinking'

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"But baaaaaaaaaaaaaa-chan." Naruto whined.

"Don't you 'baa-chan' me, boy. You have to wait for everyone to get here."

"Yo." Said two grey haired jounins as they walked through the door."

"Kakashi, Rachel, nice of you two to join us." Tsunade said when they entered the room.

"Sorry we're late, but-"

"What do you mean 'we'? I was the one who had to go find you." Rachel said, scowling at the masked man.

"Hn. Rachel, maybe you should shut up and listen to what the Hokage has to say." The young Uchiha boy scolded, finally breaking his silence.

"Okay. As you all know, during the past chuunin exam many powerful men and women came to our village from all over the world." Tsunade waited for the ninja to nod their heads before she continued. "One of the men that came was named Dumbledore Albus. He has requested the five of you for a year-long protection mission which will take place in a land called London at a school called Hogwarts. The boy you are assigned to protect goes by the name Potter Harry and my resources tell me that he is very famous where he comes from. Any questions?"

"What's so special about him?" Naruto asked.

"He's a wizard who claimed fame by becoming the only person to ever survive a killing curse." Rachel answered. Tsunade just nodded, but at the same time was wondering why the psychic even bothers to come to mission briefings.

"Wizards? Curses? What are you babbling about?" Sakura asked.

"Magic." Naruto said with an excited expression.

"Hn. There's no such thing, usuratonkatchi." The male Uchiha stated.

"That's what everyone said about psychics and clock stoppers, but look at me." Rachel added.

"I still don't believe that." Kakashi mumbled under his breath.

"Whether you believe in it or not, this is still a mission." Tsunade said, cutting in. This is what the letter I received from Mister Dumbledore looked like." She then handed them each a copy of the paper.

_'During the recent Chuunin exams, I could not help but notice the uniqueness and power in the ninja that competed. A Naruto Uzumaki, Sasuke Uchiha, and Subaku no Gaara especially caught my interest._

_Normally I wouldn't ask such young children for help, but_ _after seeing such a wondrous performance, I knew that they would be perfect for a very important, yet extremely dangerous mission. About three months ago, an evil man by the name of Voldemort was revived and is currently at large. I need these three, along with any others that you see fit for the job, to protect one of my students by the name of Harry Potter._

_ Harry is currently fifteen, a full three or so years older than Mr. Gaara, Uchiha, and Uzumaki. We are willing to pay any amount that you see fit for your finesse. If you agree, the ninja will go under cover as students and will attend classes just like everyone else. I am perfectly aware that you are Japanese and most likely unable to speak English, so I have included with the letter up to 4 bracelets that will allow you to speak, read, write, and understand any language. The original letter will act as a portkey or portal that will transport your ninja to the Leaky Caldron two days before the beginning of the school year. They will meet a few members of the Order of the Phoenix there and will be escorted to the train station._

_Yours Truly,_

_Professor Albus __Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore_

"Tsunade-sama, it says that he only sent four bracelets." Sakura commented, looking up from the letter.

"Yes?"

"Well, there are five of us." Sasuke added on, also wanting an explanation.

"Well then, I guess that means Sakura's not going." Kakashi concluded in a bored tone.

"What!?" Naruto and Sakura yelled in unison.

_"Don't worry, I can speak English__."_

"What did you say?" Naruto asked, looking at Rachel confused. Rachel sighed and repeated herself.

"I can speak English."

"How?" Sakura asked.

"Is that important?"

"No, I guess not."

Tsunade then spoke up again. "You will be leaving in one week. Pack what ever you can fit into _one_ trunk. And be back here at _exactly_ 8:55 A.M. next Friday."

"Hai." They all agreed in unison, and then headed out of the office.

"Rachel, hold on a minute." Tsunade called out. Rachel stopped and Kakashi leaned against the closing door, trying to listen to the conversation.

'I know it's wrong, but I don't like secrets', he thought as Tsunade started talking.

"Rachel, are you happy to hear that Gaara-kun is going to join you on this mission?" The woman asked playfully as she rested her head on he intertwined fingers. "Kakashi told me how _close _the two of you were during the exams." Kakashi got worried when his name was mentioned.

Rachel, keeping that unemotional Uchiha face of her's on, sighed then answered. "If Professor Dumbledore hired him, I'm fine. This is a mission. I'm a jounin and, even though I'm 12, I can keep my cool around boys unlike those fan girls my brother has."

"Whatever you say. Just have fun...but not _too _much fun." She winked. Rachel rolled her eyes and turned to leave.

Kakashi was in the middle of making hand signs that would guarantee him a silent exit without Rachel catching him eavesdropping. But before he could finish, a brown hand clasped down on his wrist.

"Did you actually think that I wouldn't notice you listening?" Rachel angrily asked the masked man.

"Uh...Rachel. How did you…?"

"What did you tell Tsunade-sama about Gaara?" Rachel asked in a threatening voice.

"Just that you were, um, together."

"That's all?"

"Yes."  
"…Okay... I believe you." She smiled and then walked away.

'Phew. That was close.' Kakashi thought, then with a shrug and a poof he was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

The day for departure finally came. Everyone was on time (for once) and was now standing in the Hokage office holding their trunks.

"Is everyone ready to go?" The Hokage asked as she pulled a sheet of paper out a drawer.

"Hai" was the answer everyone gave.

"Well then, link arms with each other and hold your trunks tightly. On the count of three, Naruto, I want you to grab a hold of the letter on the desk. Alright, 1…2…3!"

Everything went black as the five leaf nin were sucked through a portal by what felt like their belly-buttons. Seconds later they found themselves inside an almost empty hotel type thing.

They looked around the room, trying to see if they could spot the Order members. Sadly, they hadn't been given a description of the people who were supposed to meet them.

"That's them." Rachel said pointing at a red head and a big black dog.

"But there's only one." Kakashi stated. "The letter implied at least two."

"What are you, an idiot? There are clearly two." Rachel then walked up to the man and the dog. "You must be Mr. Weasely." She said shaking the mans hand. She then turned to scratch the dog behind the ear. "And this little cutie must be Padfoot."

"I didn't know Dumbledore told you who was coming--I especially didn't think he'd tell you about Padfoot. But according to the description he gave us, you two must be Mr. Uchiha and Mr. Uzumaki." Mr. Weasely said reaching out to shake Sasuke and Naruto's hands. A loud popping sound came from the other side of the room. "And you must be Mr. Gaara."

Everyone then made there way across the room to greet the Sand Sibs when they arrived. Rachel gave each of the Sibs a hug, and then gave Gaara a peck on the cheek.

"Nice to see the three of you again. Kankuro, Temari…Gaara." Kakashi said scowling (though...you couldn't _really_ tell he was doing it (mask)) at Gaara, who had his arm wrapped around Rachel.

Surprisingly, Gaara was the first of the Sand nin to speak.

"We, the Sand Village, are deeply sorry for the trouble we caused the Leaf. It was a mistake on our part. We had no idea Orochimaru was behind the mission request. He had murdered my father, the Kazekage, shortly before the exams and made invasion preparations while posing as our leader."

"I'm sorry for intruding in on this conversation", Mr. Weasely cut in, "but who is this Orochimaru character."

"He's the 'Dark Lord' of our country." Rachel answered. "If I didn't know better, I'd say that Orochimaru was You-know-Who in a long, black wig. I mean, they're both snake obsessed, power seeking, extremely pale, slit-pupiled bastards on the verge of immortality. Death Eaters are similar to Oro's Sound nin and they both have their eyes on a teenage boy with black hair." The last similarity was directed at Sasuke more than anyone else.

"How do you know so much about You-Know-Who? You haven't seen him, have you?" Mr. Weasely asked in concerned tone.

"N-no...! I haven't..."

"_Smooth." _Sasuke smirked.

"Shut up."

"Anyways…" Mr. Weasely continued, still slightly suspicious. "For the next two nights you will all be staying here at the Leaky Caldron. Padfoot will be here in case you have any questions." The dog gave a nod and began walking up the stairs as soon as Mr. Weasely apparated away.

The ninja followed Padfoot up stairs, down the hallway, and into a room. As the dog walked through the door, he slowly began to morph into a human form. When everyone was inside, he closed the door and started to talk.

"Hello everyone, my name is Mr. Black. But you can call me Sirius."

"Sirius-ly?" Someone said.

"No, and _please_--don't say that again." Black snapped then continued. "Harry is fifteen, making him one or two years older than most of you from what I hear. According to Dumbledore, you will all be entering into Hogwarts as fifth years along with him. In order to do this, seven of you will be given a second bracelet. The bracelet will magically morph you into a fifteen year old version of yourself."

"Couldn't we just use a transformation jutsu?" Sakura asked Sirius, who was clearly confused at the use of an unfamiliar word. 'Jutsu?'

"It would use up too much energy." Kakashi explained in a bored tone as Sirius passed everyone, other than Temari who was already fifteen, a bracelet. They each put on their bracelet, grew a few inches (except Kakashi, he shrunk), then walked over to a full body mirror on the other end of the room to study their altered appearances.

'All those years of waiting for my growth spurt to finally come. It just seems like wasted time now.' Kakashi mentally whined while looking at his super short teenage self.

"Is this really what I'll look like in two years?" Asked a slightly disappointed Sakura.

"Yep. Not much of a change, huh?"

"Well. Now that that's out of the way, why don't we go buy your school robes." Sirius said as he morphed back into dog form. The ninja followed him out of the Caldron and into a robes store where the new students were measured for their uniforms. After Sasuke was fitted, he asked the shop keeper if she could put a small fan on the back of his collar.

"Do have to have that symbol on everything you wear?" Kankuro asked.

"It's my family crest. Clothes aren't worth wearing if they don't have it on them." (No, the mental images of non-crested underwear!)

"Rachel, why don't you do that?" Temari asked.

"Girls didn't really do that sort of thing" (that, and I'm not actually a part of the family...).

The clothes were bought on a Hogwarts tab and they all left the shop with at least 5 robes each. They didn't need to buy books because Dumbledore had supposedly already taken care of that.

After being given a tour of Diagon Alley, Padfoot showed them to their rooms in the Leaky Caldron. The Sibs had one room; Rachel and Sakura, another; and Kakashi, Sasuke, and Naruto, the last. It was getting late so they all decided to go to bed (except for Gaara, for obvious reasons).

The next day, Sirius told them that they were free to do as they pleased since all the required things were done on the previous day. For most, this meant shopping. For others, it meant preparing for tomorrows departure. Rachel and Sasuke both decided to read the textbooks that they were given. About an hour later Sasuke got up.

"I'm done. I'm going to go find Naruto." He said while stretching.

"You're done? You must have used your sharinghan."

"Hn."

"Whatever, cheater, go have fun with your boyfriend."

"Shut up." And with that, he was gone.

Another hour passed and Rachel started to doze off. Her eyes were almost completely closed when she was suddenly shocked by a river of sand covering her. It lifted her from the bed she was reading on and sat her down on Gaara, who was in a chair in the next room.

"What--I was sleeping."

"I need to talk to you."

Rachel shifted so that she was sitting up straight in his lap. "So talk."

"It's been a month since the last time I saw you."

"Yeah, and now we get to spend the next year together."

"But what about after that. I don't think I can take a long distance relationship."

"We can worry about that when the time comes. But not now."

Just then, the door that had been closed slammed open. In walked a furious looking masked man.

"Gaara, Rachel, just the people I wanted to see." The grey haired jounin said as he entered the room. "Since this is a mission, you two will need to behave. This means: no kissing, no hugging, no poking, no staring, no arguing, and no touching. Starting…NOW!" At those words, Kakashi scooped the girl up and out of Gaara's lap and then bolted out of the door with Rachel still in his arms.


	3. Chapter 3

Some of you might be wondering who Rachel is. To find out, you must go to my other story "Uchiha Girl". You only have to read the first one or two chapters to find out who she is, where she came from, and how she met Gaara.

pwaj

Before Kakashi had reached the stairs, a giant paw came flying at him. It chased him down the steps and to the door. He had almost made it outside when another claw shot through the door from the open window two floors up. He was trapped, and Rachel was lifted into the air by one of the paws and brought back to Gaara's room.

"What was that about?" Gaara asked as Rachel floated in through the window.

"I could ask _you _the same question." Kakashi growled as he came in through the door, Naruto and Sasuke were right behind him.

"Kakashi acts kind of fatherly towards me and Sasuke. And like all father's, he's a bit overprotective when his children start dating." Rachel explained as the hand released her.

"I am not."

"You got me disqualified from the chuunin exams when you caught me and Gaara on the roof top—"

"I've heard enough." Naruto walked out of the room. Sasuke turned to glare at the three remaining in the room.

"What exactly _were_ you doing on the roof?" He growled.

"Nothing" Gaara answered in his usually monotone as he raised one of his invisible eyebrows. Sasuke turned to Rachel and she was nodding in agreement.

"Well," Kakashi began to speak, "at least you're a jonin, now."

"Shut up," Rachel stood up from the chair she was sitting in, "I'm going back to bed."

"Me too." Gaara started to follow her out of the room, only to have Kakashi and Sasuke grab him.

"You don't sleep." They snarled together.

pwaj

The day finally came for them to leave for Hogwarts. Padfoot walked with them through the train station and to the pillar in between platform nine and ten. The majority of the shinobi jumped (Sasuke and Gaara don't jump like that and Kakashi is to experienced a ninja to be caught off guard (not paying attention works too)) when Rachel and Padfoot disappeared through the bricks. Sasuke flashed his sharinghan.

"I don't see a genjutsu."

"Maybe that's just because your eyes aren't advanced enough." Kakashi explained as he uncovered his left eye.

"Well?" Sasuke looked up at the copy ninja who stared blankly at the wall.

"…."

"I though so." The male Uchiha smirked.

"Well, I'm not scared of some stupid wall!" Naruto yelled as he ran straight through the pillar. Everyone shrugged their shoulders and just followed him.

_What took you so long? _Padfoot's eyes asked.

"We were having some trouble." Kakashi answered the unspoken question.

The elevation of Sirius' fuzzy brow gave off the look of _Was the portal not working?_

"No, it was. We just didn't know _how_ it was working."

Sirius shook his head and used his nose to nudge them on board.

pwaj

It was amazing that they found two empty compartments to sit in. It was even more amazing that the compartments were side-by-side. The train was filled with more children then all the hidden villages _combined _could hold.

In the first compartment, the Sand siblings filed in. Rachel was about to walk in after them when her 'over-protective father' pulled her out, pushed a confused Sakura in, slammed the door, and threw the girl into the Kaka/Sasu/Naru compartment.

"Why aren't you sitting with Gaara?" Sasuke asked as he glared (I don't really know why he glares so damn much) out the window.

"Would you rather Sakura be in here?" Kakashi asked. That shut him up for the time being.

pwaj

"Where's Rachel?"

"I-I don't know."

"Why are _you _in here with us?"

"I don't know."

"Who pushed you in here?"

"I don't know!"

pwaj

As the train began moving on its long (long) journey to the magical school, Naruto got bored. He attempted to free himself of this tiresome state by starting a conversation.

"Hey, Sasuke, did you see all of those girls—"

"--and guys." Rachel interrupted.

"Yeah, and guys checkin' you out when we got on the train?"

"Hn."

"That means yes." Rachel interpreted.

"Ok, so, what are you gonna do about you new fan club?"

"I'm going to pretend that Rachel is my girlfriend." Such an obvious answer, right?

"That's a wonderful idea!" Kakashi smiled. "Since she can't be around Gaara, it shouldn't matter, right?"

"Who says I have to listen to you and your crazy friend rules?" Rachel rolled her eyes. "I can be around Gaara anytime I feel like it. I'm a jonin. I can do what I want."

"We'll see about that." Kakashi and Sasuke murmured in unison.

"Anyways," Rachel continued. "I don't think the people at this school support incest."

"They don't have to know we're related."

"Our last names are the same, idiot."

"You're adopted, _idiot_."

"It doesn't matter, dumb ass."

"Marriage." Kakashi explained. "You can say that you're married."

"We're too young...in this country, anyways." Rachel shook her head. "Why don't you ask Sakura—she'd say yes in a heartbeat?"

"As true as that is, she's already a fan girl. If I asked, she would never make it out as just an act. She'd take it too seriously." Sasuke shuddered a little when images of SasuSaku-ish things filled his mind.

"What about Gaara's sister?" Naruto asked. "That Temari girl?" The entire compartment went silent. "Yeah, I guess that wouldn't work."

On the other side of the wall, two girls went into sneezing fits.

"I know!" Rachel smirked (evil smirk time). "Naruto—you can date Naruto."

"What--NO!?" Naruto shook his head. "Ms. Sakura would kill me!" (1)

"You don't want to date me?" Sasuke quirked an eyebrow—he'd never heard anyone say that before.

"It's not that I don't _want_ to, bastard (2). I just don't want to get killed. You see what Ms. Sakura does to that flirtty Yamanaka. And what she does to me when I get on _your_ bad side, just imagine what it would be like if I got on hers. I'm sure that stealing you would be a death sentence…. Also, I'm not gay."

"You're right, you're bi." Rachel explained. (3)

"Don't worry." Sasuke cut off anything Naruto was about to say and picked up the kitsune chamber (who began to squirm as he did), placing him on his lap. "I'll protect you. That's what a good man does, right—he protect the ones he loves?"

"You don't love me, bastard." Naruto was blushing like crazy. He couldn't free himself from Sasuke's death-grip. "This is an act, remember?"

_For now, _Inner, chibi Sasuke schemed unnoticeably.

pwaj

The train ride continued to drag on. The sky eventually darkened and Naruto still tried to free himself from Sasuke's stone arms well into the night. Eventually, he gave up when sleep slowed him down. Even he had to admit that Sasuke's warm body was a better pillow than the cold window.

When morning came, so did the food trolley.

"Would you children like somethin' from the trolley?" The old woman asked as she pulled back the door. She scanned the compartment, her eyes lingering a little on the blonde and raven who were sitting in such a strange and questionable manner, but smiling all the same as she did.

"What do you have?" Kakashi asked lazily (it could be sleepiness, but I don't care).

"Do you have ramen?" You-know-who (not Voldi) asked hopefully.

"No...but we do 'ave ev'ry flavor beans, chocolate frogs—"

"Real frogs?" Naruto (bug-eyed) asked, but the woman shook her head. "I'll take one." Rachel was _going_ to tell him that he couldn't eat them because the spell he needed to perform…well, he couldn't perform it. 'Going to' are the key words used in that statement.

"My frog!" Naruto cried out when the slimy-looking ball of chocolaty goodness jumped from its box and onto the window frame.

_Thud_

With a kunai now in its back, Sasuke handed the immobilized candy to his 'pretend' (but-not-for-long) lover.

"Tank vu, Mr. Shaskay." Naruto said with his mouth full.

"Hey, Naruto, whose on the box?"

"What?"

"He asked whose picture card came on the box."

"Um...'Cornelius Fudge', whoever that is."

"How ironic." Rachel mumbled.

pwaj

"How much longer?"

"Not much longer."

"..."

"..."

"How much longer?"

"Not much longer."

It was almost like a game they were playing: Naruto would continuously ask the same question while Rachel gave him the same answer. Fun.

"How much--?"

"--You know what?" Rachel stood up and opened the sliding door. "I'm gonna go find that Potter kid."

"I'll come with you!" Naruto attempted to stand but Sasuke _still_ hadn't released him. "Bastard, let go!"

"Hn…." Sasuke let go only to grabbed the blondes arm to pull him back down. They're faces were inches apart now. "How about a goodbye kiss?"

"No, I'm not ready for that." Naruto tried to free himself again.

"Oh, come on." Rachel rolled her eyes. "It's not like you two haven't done it before."

"Oh, ho, ho." Kakashi snickered. "You have—haven't you? I remember that."

"Come on, Naruto, are you going with me or not?"

"Yeah, dead last, just hurry up so you can go." Sasuke smirked as he gripped Naruto's chin.

"No means no!" Naruto broke free of a still smirking Sasuke and bolted out of the compartment, followed by Rachel.

"This is going to be a fun mission, don't you think, Sasuke?"

"Hn." Still smirking.

"Now, Sasuke." Kakashi closed the book that no one saw him open. His tone became serious and he sat up. "Its time for us to have 'the talk'." (4)

Will our two main characters ever find Potter-kun? Will Rachel ever talk to Gaara again? Will Naruto ever succumb to Sasuke? Will Kakashi stop being so overprotective? Will Sasuke survive 'the talk'? Will the author ever get a life? Find out next time in chapter four of _"Professor, What's a Jutsu?"._

(1) Honorifics like chan, kun, san, and sama become ms, mr, mrs, lord, etc. when translated into English.

(2) Teme means bastard, dobe means dead last, and usuratonkachi means dumb ass. Although I'm sure you guy already know that (if you don't, you probably either don't watch the subtitled version or don't care enough to look it up), I'm saying it anyways in case you didn't.

(3) In my story "Uchiha Girl", there is a scene where Sakura questions Naruto's sexuality (she's joking at the time, of course). When Naruto gets on the defensive and explains to her that he likes her, Rachel states that she heard that all kitsune (foxes) were bisexuals.

(4) Speaking of 'talks', I wrote a one-shot about Kakashi giving the rookie nine plus Team Gai a sex talk. Its called "_The Talk_" and its really funny. You should check it out!


	4. Chapter 4

It would have taken longer to find Harry if…1, Rachel wasn't a psychic; 2, he didn't completely stand out from all of the scar-less, brunette, emerald-eyed children that attended the school; and, 3, they hadn't seen the Malfoy boy with his ear up to a closed compartment (Really, I mean, come on! The boy is always where Harry is! It's not a freakin' coincidence!). So, yeah, it could have taken longer…but it didn't.

"What are you doing?" Naruto asked the Ino-shade-of-blonde boy. Rachel had told him that he was in front of Potter-kun's cart.

"I could ask you the same question…!" Malfoy yelled out of shock. "Why aren't you in your compartment? I'm a prefect, you know, you could be in real trouble if I—"

"I'm sure that's all great," Naruto scratched the back of his head "but I need to get through that door you're guarding."

"I'm not guarding it!"

"Yeah, Naruto, he's not guarding it." Rachel rolled her eyes. "He's eavesdropping."

"Yeah, I'm—no, I'm not…!" Draco turned to the kunoichi. "Wait, who the hell are you? I've never seen you before."

"Maybe you just can't remember seeing her." Naruto argued.

"How the bloody hell would I forget a black girl with white hair!?" Draco asked hysterically "It's not normal!"

"It is where we come from!"

"And where that hell _did_ you come from!?"

"MY MOM!"

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!"

"What in Merlin's beard is going on here?"

"WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO KNOW!?" The two blondes screamed together when someone's head popped out of the now open sliding door.

"But I don't think you _want_ to know, Potter." Rachel waved at him dismissively.

"Oh…?" Harry looked at the five people in front of him (Crabb and Goyle didn't speak because Draco told them to be quiet…you know, so he wouldn't be caught eavesdropping). "What are you doing here, Malfoy?"

"Well unlike you, Potter," Malfoy said with his nose held high. "I'm a prefect. I'm just doing my duty." (Heh, heh, he said "duty")

"Outside our compartment?" Ginny asked in a quizzical tone.

"Outside, in general" Rachel defended him. Everyone gave her a weird look. "But he's moving on now, right?" Rachel looked at Malfoy, who scowled back.

"Really, who are you?"

"Rachel; pleased to meet you. Now leave. I have business to take care of and it doesn't involve you."

"Hey, you can't talk to him like that!" Crabb spoke for the first time in this chapter and story. "He's a prefect!"

"What the hell's a 'prefect'?" Naruto threw his hands in the air.

"Do you, like, not read—at all, ever?" Rachel turned on the boy in order to take advantage of the already mass confusion. She grabbed Naruto's arm and Harry's

head and pushed the two back in the compartment before slamming the door.

pwaj

"What do you want?" Ginny asked when the two strangers entered.

"To talk."

"About what?" Naruto asked before Rachel elbowed him in the ribs. The rest of the children were quiet until she spoke again.

"Ask me a question."

"Like what?" Not that.

"Anything."

"OK…" Ginny started. "Who are you?"

"Rachel."

"I'm Naruto, believ--!"

"NO!" Rachel screamed and cupped her hand over the boy's mouth. "Don't ever say that again."

"Mmfnphatmrnf!"

"Huh?"

"What was that for?" Naruto asked when Rachel removed her hand.

"That phrase, don't you dare say it in English."

"Why?"

"It kills me a little on the inside when you do…."

"…Can we still ask questions?" A plump kid asked (I actually hate it when people _ask_ you if they can ask a question).

"Oh, yeah."

"What year are you?"

"Fifth."

"You can't be. I mean, you look like fifth years, but…."

"But, like Malfoy said, we've never seen you two. At least, I haven't." Harry turned to Naruto. "And I definitely _would_ remember _her_. She really does stick out, and being in our year and all…."

"Then I guess that we must ask a new question:" A dreamy-eyed blonde spoke as she lowered her upside-down tabloid "why are you here?"

"Transfer."

"Yeah, we're transfer students."

"From where?"

"Japan."

The compartment door slid open. A frizzy brunette stood in the frame. She looked at the two ninjas. "I refuse to believe that." She plainly stated.

"EVESDROPPER!" Naruto exclaimed.

"I second that, mate." Another flaming red-head entered through the open door. "I'd have to be completely mental to believe either of you were oriental." (Sorry, readers, I couldn't resist; I hope no one is offended).

"Yeah, you're black, right?" Ron asked Rachel.

"Sure."

"And you look like the Nazi definition of an 'Arian'." Hermione added, pointing to Naruto (but really, who else would she be pointing to…Luna?).

"What's a 'Nazi' and what's an 'Arian'?"

"Two German things. But the Nazis were bad people so just forget about that." Rachel informed him. "Basically she's saying you look German."

"I am not German!"

"Well how can you be Japanese?"

"You guys don't even have accents."

"That's because Lord Dumbledore—"

"—Lord Dumbledore?"

"In our country, the word 'sama', an honorific used to for the 'higher up' people, translates into 'lord' with that." Rachel pointed at one of the bracelets Naruto was wearing.

"Yeah, Lord Dumbledore gave us these magic bracelets so that we could speak English."

"OK…" Hermione raised an eyebrow and pointed over to Rachel's bare wrist "but that doesn't--"

"—Doesn't explain my accent; I know. I'm just good at mimicking the people I'm talking to..." Rachel explained. "That, and English was my first language."

"Fine, but, once again, you don't look Japanese."

"Well, _sorry_, but the last time I checked, this was an English school and not everyone here is white."

"Then why are you here this late!?"

"What school were you at originally?"

"Yeah and why did you leave that school?"

"In order: because this is when we were assigned to come here; a secret, underground, Japanese wizarding school—"

"—I've never--"

"I said it was secret!"

"We left our school because we were asked to." Naruto continued for Rachel.

"And it's not like this is the first time another school has visited Hogwarts, is it?"

"Well, no, but…."

"Any others?"

"What?"

"Are there any others?"

"Yes."

"Who?"

"Well, my brother, his stalker, my boyfriend, his brother and sister, and…" Rachel smirked evilly "my ex…." Now Kashi can't touch (not literally) me without getting weird looks.

"Well I can't wait to meet them." Ron rolled his eyes.

"Oh, Rachel!" Naruto remembered something. "I just realized that I don't know who these people are."

"Oh, well, the red-heads are Ron and Ginny. Ron's the boy, Ginny's the girl. They have two other brothers that go here; they're twins—Fred and George." Everyone was so taken aback by the girl's knowledge that they didn't say anything. "The brunette girl is Hermione; the brunette boy is Neville. The blonde with the magazine is Luna and--"

"—and so the raven-haired guy is Mr. Potter?"

"Yeah."

"…How…?" Harry spoke up first. "How did you?"

"I'm a psychic…." It's best to go ahead and tell them. It might make things easier. "You'd call it 'seer'."

"I don't believe that seer rubbish." Hermione shook her head. "Of course she'd know who you were Harry, everyone does."

"But what about you!? What about us!?" Ron argued. "How would she--"

"—I just realized" Hermione cut him off and opened the door for the ninjas "we're almost at the school. You two better get back to your compartment and change into you proper robes."

pwaj

"And then she called me 'Arian'!"

"I see." Sasuke shook his head with false interest as he watched Naruto get dressed (he was really interested in _that_). "Well, I guess we'll need to stay away from her."

"But Rachel said that she was Mr. Potter's friend. She's always with him."

"Are you sure she's not his _girl_friend?"

"No, she's Mr. Ron's."

"Did Rachel tell you that?"

"Yeah, and Mr. Ron called Rachel black."

"Really? She looks brown to me." Sasuke stood up as Naruto finished tying his shoes.

"_Naruto_, are you done yet?" Sakura asked from outside the door.

"Yeah" The blonde answered as he slid out of the compartment.

"Good, because we're here."

pwaj

"Oh, my gods, what the hell are those!?"

9876543210

To be continued….

Review if you hate cliff hangers…. Also review if you don't….


	5. Chapter 5

"_Those_? What do you mean 'those'?" Naruto turned his questioning eyes to the blonde member of the Sand's team.

Temari was standing in front of her brothers, pointing a finger at a dozen or so horseless carriages.

"The…carts…?" Naruto squinted at them, trying to see what was so special. "OH, MY DAMN! The-they're moving on their own!" He pointed hysterically at the full carts that were, in fact, moving towards the castle.

"They are!" Sakura shrieked and hid behind Sasuke.

"What are you two—stupid?" Sasuke took a step away from Sakura, who had the most defeated look on her face—_'st…stupid….'_ He pointed in the direction of the carriages.

Or, more likely, the things pulling them.

"Can't you see the horses?"

"If you could even call them that…." Kankuro added, staring blankly at the…_thingies_.

"They're called threstrals." A dreamy voice called out to them. "And I take it you can see them too…." Luna looked around at the group of ninja, who in turn looked back at her. She smiled when her eyes met Sakura and Naruto. "You two are lucky though, I guess."

"What do you mean…_lucky_?" Kakashi asked her.

"Only those who have seen death can see them." Rachel answered as she walked over to them.

"Where were you?"

"Over there." She pointed towards the train.

"Why?"

"Cuz'."

"…."

"So, who can see them?" Rachel asked. Most everybody in they're group raised his or her hand. "Who can't?" More hands went up. "Ok, so Naruto, Sakura, Ga—Gaara, put your hand down!"

He lowered it….Slowly.

"Come on everybody," Kakashi waved them towards him. "It looks like the carriages are leaving…."

**

"Whoa…."

"This place," Kankuro rubbed the back of his neck, "it's _huge_."

They had entered the castle. The fifth-years were now filing into the Great Hall.

"Excuse me," an old woman held out her hand to stop the team from entering. "Mr. Hatake, I presume."

"Yes, ma'am," Kakashi signaled for other ninjas to halt too.

"I must ask that you and your…_companions_ step in line behind the first years. We must sort you, but only enter when you are called upon."

"I understand, but what is this _sorting._"

"It's the schools way of dividing us base on personality and decision-making," Rachel answered for him.

"Based on the abilities and status of the four founders, the students of this school have always been proud of their houses." Sasuke continue,

"Show-offs."

"What did you call me, oldie!?" Rachel stepped in front of Kakashi. "You want to see showing-off?—I'll _show _you _showing-off_! Naruto!"

"Yeah."

"Gryffindor."

"Huh?"

"You're house is Gryffindor. Sakura, you and Temari are Ravenclaw. Kakashi, Kankuro, Sasuke, and Gaara all have Slytherin."

"My child," Professor McGonagall touched her shoulder, "how can you be so sure?"

"I…just can."

"Well," She smiled, "if your assumptions are indeed correct, I might have a word with you afterward."

**

They waited in the hallway for what seemed like an _eternity_. The old fart that ran the school just dragged on an on with his "hellos" and "how do you dos". But if that wasn't aggravating enough, some disgustingly sugar sick voice interrupted him for about eleventy-gajillion minutes with her "this school sucks" and her "I'm gonna do to you what 4kids did to Yu-Gi-Oh" (not…that I watch that show…). It was painful. As painful as—as painful as listening to Light Yagami go on and on (and on and on) about taking over the world and spanking—I mean, _kicking_ L's ass along the way! That's how insufferable it was!

"…And, as many of you may have noticed," we could hear the old man speaking again. "This year we are, once again, going to be hosts of a few talented students from a school that is, in many ways, unlike our own. This time, however, the students will not all remain together—they shall be integrated into houses, just like the rest of you." The hall was filled with whispers and protests. "Quiet down now, children—we must not be rude." The doors began to open. "Please join me in welcoming the best of the Land of Fire!"

The thunderous applause was enough to startle them. (Not that they showed it; they be _ninjas_!).

"Now," the old brunette from before greeted them when they reached the head table, "to sort you." She read Sakura's name from the list and then handed her the hat.

Hat-wearing Sakura jumped.

"What is it?" Kakashi whispered to her.

"I-it…it can _talk_," She whispered back.

"_Well, of course I can talk. How else would I sort you?_

"I guess I was wondering that too, but I never considered the possibility...."

"Yeah, yeah—that's what they all say…. Though I can't judge you for you magical ability, your intellectual genius has put you in…**RAVENCLAW**!"

McGonagall took a small step back, probably from shock. After a moment though, she called out Kakashi's name.

"_Where to put you…?"_

"Hat, if I may ask you a question?"

"_What?"_

"Who goes into Slytherin?"

"_Pure-bloods, people of high status…."_

"That doesn't sound bad."

"_Selfish, egotistical, megalomaniacs—those who think highly of themselves."_

"Well, then obviously this is not the place for m--"

"**SLYTHERIN**!"

"WTF, dude!"

Next was Gaara:

"**SLYTHERIN**!"

Gaara stood up and walked back over to the group.

"What did it say to you?"

"…Nothing."

Then Kankuro:

"Don't put me with Gaara."

"…Why not?"

"He'll kill me."

"Such a selfish boy…."

"Yes, he is. I can't stand him."

"No, I meant you—**SLYTHERIN**!"

Temari:

"I'm sorry, child, but it seem as though the hat cannot fit on your head."

"_Her head is that _big_?"_ The hat sounded taken aback. _"By all means—_**RAVENCLAW**!"

What?

Rachel:

"_Where to put you…?"_

"Was that a rhetorical question, or do you really expect me to give you an answer?" Rachel whispered to the hat on her head.

"…_I guess it could be both…. Where do you _want _to go?"_

"Hufflepuff," She answered excitedly.

"_Why the hell—that the _last_ place I'd put you!"_

"_Wh_~_y_?" She found herself whining.

"_Hufflepuff is a house for people who think with their hearts. They base most of their decisions on feeling alone."_

"Is that your way of calling me heartless?"

"_Yes." _(Ouch)

"…What about Gryffindor?"

"_I couldn't agree with you more."_

"Is that your way of calling me stupid and impure!?"

"_Where the hell did you get that from!?"_

"Well, Ravenclaw is only for smart people, and Slytherin is for pure people."

"_That's not completely true."_

"But the Ravenclaws—"

"_No, you were right about that—you are too stupid for them."_

"…Ass."

"_But the Syltherins' aren't all pure. They're pure-_bloods_, but not pure. Do you understand?"_

"…Not…completely…."

"_And you wonder why you're not in Ravenclaw--_**GRYFFINDOR!**"

Sasuke:

"_I hope you don't honestly expect me to believe that your perfectness is a result of a thousand years of incest! Your mother was your father's what now!? I mean, yeah, I can understand that spinny eye thing of yours being a recessive trait, but—but come on! You shouldn't be handsome, you should be deformed! Deformed and retarded! Your existence alone will give people a false sense of security on the dangerousness that comes from having sex with their mothers!"_

"Are you done now?"

"…Yes…**SLYTHERIN**!"

Naruto:

"_Now…this fox of yours—can it speak?"_

"**Don't call me an **_**it**_**—I'm a male."**

"_Yeah…. Well, I can't exactly put you in Slytherin with that. Not that I was even thinking about it in the first place. You think with your heart and always put you're friends lives before your own—a Hufflepuff trait. But then there's that braveness and sense of loyalty that shines so intensely within you. After all those years of loneliness and suffering, you still remain strong…. I honestly can't decide between Hufflepuff or Gryffindor for you. You'd do good in both."  
_

"What about where Ms. Sakura went? Can't you put me in Raven—"

"—_I really can't decide…. Wait, that seer in your group, did she tell you anything?"_

"She said something about me in Gryffindor, but I really want to go to Rave—"

"**GRYFFINDOR**!"

***

_To be continued…later_

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Be thankful for this story, and give me reviews! If you don't, you can be thankful for ma foot in yo ass!


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